This Too Shall Pass.

Ray Lamontagne said it best when he said, "Will I always feel this way...so empty, so estranged..." 

This empty is the kind of feeling that seems to come with a bottomless pit of despair at no extra charge.  It's mind-numbing and can send you into a funk that leaves you completely disillusioned.  It causes anxiety that whispers to you that nothing will ever be okay.  Sound familiar?

I have felt this.  I have felt this on more than one occasion.  I would find myself unable to believe that good things would ever be possible.  And I really couldn't tell you how I ever got to that point.  The feeling seemed to sneak up on me and poke me in the eyes.  I had zero clarity on anything.  But what's even crazier is that I was completely aware that I was in a funk and needed to get out.  It's kind of like being awake, but dreaming at the same time.  The panic I had for everyday life is almost impossible to describe. Then one day I just woke up.  It's like my body and brain decided enough was enough.

I'm sure that on some level, we've all found ourselves here.  We wonder "why me?"  Sometimes we might even pray to God (or anything that's out there) to get us out of such misery.  It consumes us, all the while life is passing us by as if nothing has happened.  We feel forgotten.  But what is this feeling that we have? Where does it come from? And how do we progress out of it?  I know that for me, I found myself in this place when things were not going well.  I felt it while I sat at home waiting for my phone to ring or when the bank account had run to almost empty.  I would feel as if the whole world had suddenly, and for no reason, turned its' back on me.  Realistic? Not really.  But that's how I felt.

See the pattern?  All of these feelings.  I had to come to the realization that my feelings are not always based in reality.  I think that there are many times that we forget that life happens.  People happen.  And though we may have played a role in a relational or business failure, life still goes on.  We have to find the ability to drag ourselves out of the gutter and start moving forward.  This may seem very simple to understand, but while you're in the midst of it, you find it almost impossible to implement. But again, Ray Lamontagne described getting out of this funk best when he said, "Well I've looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest and said 'do your best to destroy me'. I've been to hell and back and I must admit you kind of bore me." We are given a choice.  We can choose to wallow in our hurt, disillusionment, and anger, or we can get up and decide that enough is enough.

I know that we will all hurt and be hurt, but make the choice to drag yourself out of the gutter of self-pity.  It will be a process that may be both painful and eye-opening.  Yet, at the end of it all, you will remember that this too shall pass.  And when it passes, you will be a better person.

Step Away From the Email....

Do you ever wake up in the morning, and the first thing that you do is roll over and check email, Facebook, and Twitter on your phone?  Or do you just sleep with your laptop on your nightstand? (or in bed with you like a long-lost lover)  Do you take your laptop to the couch while watching a movie with friends just to make sure that you don’t miss out on something important…even at 10 pm...even though you're already doing something important?

Since when did checking on the status updates of the world matter more than taking time with your wife, your husband, your children, your friends, or more importantly: God?  You do understand that all of those status updates and emails will be there even if you wait just 15 minutes to spend time having breakfast with your kids?  

I know that there are times when I am guilty of rolling over and checking my phone out of habit. I mean, I do it all day long to make sure that I haven’t missed anything, all the while missing out on what’s currently happening.  (or to be “technically correct”: what’s happening in my live feed.) There are times that I neglect my husband so that I can “just finish this one thing”, and in the same sentence get mad it him for not paying attention to me. It’s a complete double-standard, I know.  And what I’ve come to realize is that we all have an addiction that has consumed our every move and thought.  We are anxious if we don’t check everything right now, because we’ve made ourselves believe that if we don’t do it right now, then something could be missed…or we could be expelled from the universe. Who knows what irrational thought process you’ve designed for yourself to rationalize your information/technology consumption.  And on top of all that, we can’t see our own mistake to realize when we are guilty.

A while back, I remember hearing about an article that someone wrote about our information-consumed generation, and he challenged people to not let the glow of their phones and computers be the last thing they see before they go to bed, and not be the first thing they see when they woke up.  (DO NOT GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!) We have the rest of the day to be engrossed in work and the “need-to-know" to be let that consume our brains before we close our eyes. 

So challenge yourself to be interested in the world of the living around you.  I know that I will be. The people around you care about you and want to be with you.  They want you to turn off everyone and everything else when you sit down for dinner, and show them that they matter.  I’m pretty sure that there were a couple of statements like: “Treat others how you would want to be treated…” and “Actions speak louder than words”.  Seems pretty important, and I would bet that your life would look and feel much more fulfilling if you lived by these simple statements.  And at the very least when you follow these, you are showing your loved ones value, which could change the very course of their day.

I Create, Therefore I Am.

Ever wonder what you’re supposed to be doing with your life?  I do all the time. But I think that I have finally entered into the world of The Creative.  Anything that gives me the opportunity to be creative is where I thrive and grow.  But I haven’t always been this way.  I’ve struggled along the way to figure out just what I am supposed to be doing. But they always say, “Better late then never!”

Some people have known what they wanted to “be when they grow up” since they were kids.  My husband is one of those.  He knew after his first paid show at 11 (he made a whopping $25) that he was going to be an entertainer when he grew up. (check him out at www.HarrisIII.com) Now, along the way he’s branched into other passions he has with business and entrepreneurship.  He does all of those things alongside being an entertainer.  Everything that he has his hands in fits with what he loves and how he wants to propel his business forward.

I am a little more free-spirited than that.  More fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants is how I live life.  I have my hands in multiple projects, learning, trying things out, and wandering around a little.  I’m sure there are times that I appear just as dazed and confused as when I started, but I am on a journey.  I have written, painted, cooked, designed, attempted new languages, sewn, created, acted, psychologized, and started businesses on this journey.  Each one has been a point of growth for me no matter whether I’ve failed or succeeded at it.  I have managed to learn a lot about myself and have flexed and re-shaped my personality, all the while learning what I love and realizing what I’m good at. 

I consistently find myself creating and re-creating.  It encompasses each area that I venture into. I love the artist part of my life because it gives me, “…Freedom for the full expression of my personality.” (Gandhi)  There are no parameters to stay within and I can send my mind to the edges of the Universe for ideas.  With this type of freedom, the possibilities are quite literally, endless. 

As for what's happening in my life, next year has set itself up to be new and exciting for me on so many levels.  I have officially started to peek my head around the corner of possibility.  I have new art in the works, 2 new businesses to launch, and multiple partnerships with Global social justice organizations rocking and rolling.  I am, for lack of better words, stoked.  (and extraordinarily busy) I find myself, for the first time ever, pushing myself to the point of being nervous in business, art, and changing the world.  I have a great team and group of friends that are encouraging me along the way. It's because of God's grace and amazing people like my husband, my friends, my family, and our former church community at The Journey Church that I am where I am today.  

A Mind Full of Spanglish.

I am always a little giddy when we have the opportunity to head to a Spanish-speaking country because I get a chance to put 4 years of high school Spanish and 2 years of college Spanish (thanks mom and dad) to "good use".  In other words, I have the opportunity to mumble out a few "Hello's", "How old are you", and "Goodbyes" while trying desperately in my head to work up enough courage to attempt something more daring like "What's up?", "I enjoyed being here", and "More ice cream, please."  Alas, I am afraid that I'm doomed to speak my Spanglish like a true American on this trip.

It's not that I don't understand Spanish, I understand quite a bit.  It's that I'm terrified to say something wrong, and I suck at remembering all of the tenses, so I just keep my mouth shut and nod politely.  And what gets me excited about coming to Spanish-speaking countries is that I have the chance to try, learn, and remember all of the words that I've forgotten in the last 12 years.  

Let me give you an ejemplo of what I'm talking about.

{child}: "Hola senora.  Que Pasa?  Me llamo Gabriella."

{me}: "uh...Hola."

{me in my head}: "Just say it in Spanish!  You know how!  Tell her: Hola Gabriella! Soy muy bien, gracias.  Y, Tu?  Me llamo Kate."

{child}: (staring at me like I've lost my mind because I've frozen)

{me in my head}: "why don't you just say it?"  

{me}: "uh...me llamo Kate.  How many anos tienes?  No no no no....Cuantos anos tienes? My Spanish es mas worse de tu."

{me in my head}: "Not even close. A little faster on the delivery next time there Speedy Gonzales."

{child}: "Um, okay....adios"

{me}: "Adios!"

{me in my head}: "crap...you just showed a 5 year old what 6 years of great education can do for someone.  You had this one in the bag, and you threw it all away you wimp!  She was 5!!!"

Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little.  I know how to communicate, on some level, with a 5 year old.  On occasion, when I feel really brave, I communicate with an adult (because teenagers are intimidating in any language). And I really do understand and know what I should say.  Why don't I just do it?  Fear?  I want to communicate more than anything.   I just don't, and it really bugs me.  

Someday I hope to be conversational in at least 5 languages (not including English).  For the sake of the college dollars my parents spent on my education (and my own sanity), I will start with Spanish.  I don't have that far to go to become at least conversational.  It will just take focus. After I get that down, I'd like to move on to Italian, Thai, Mandarin, and Portuguese.  This will take some serious time, and I know that I have terrible Chinglish, but I'm hopeful.  In the meantime, I will just keep trying.  

With that I will salida to mi cama para el noche.  Buenos tardes amigos!

Have a Little Compassion

Every time that we leave the country for work, I become acutely aware of the needs of people.  Whether it's food, clean water, schools, or jobs, everyone has a need for something.  I know that there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of organizations around the globe that are designed to give aid to those people.  Take your time and read through this post and click through some of the websites for a better understanding of everything that they do and offer.  


There are clean water groups like Blood Water Mission and Charity Water who take their donations and provide wells and filtration systems for people in depressed areas without clean water. Through those systems, they also are battling the AIDS pandemic in Africa. And in case you weren't already aware, almost a billion people don't have access to clean water.  One billion people.  


There are groups like Invisible Children  who are using, "...film, creativity, and social action to end the use of child soldiers in Joseph Kony's rebel war and restore Northern Uganda to peace and prosperity." The use of child soldiers has been a reality of the people of Uganda for the last 23 years. They are abducted walking down the street to school and from their homes at night.  Once taken, they are forced to participate in killing, looting, drugs, and war, oftentimes being the ones sent to the front lines to check for land mines.  The war has been nothing short of horrific for the people who live in daily fear in Uganda, and Invisible Children is fighting to educate and bring this warlord to his knees to end the fighting. 


There are groups that many of us have heard of and maybe even been a participant of such as World Vision, Compassion International, and Holt International just to name a few.   These programs all offer child sponsorship. Don't be misled to think that every sponsorship program operates the same way.  Each group is completely unique in their focus and the way they do things.  


World Vision offers both child sponsorships as well as a huge world relief fund.  They are consistently first on the ground when there is a natural disaster and work fast and furiously to get people all of the things that need, whether that's food, water, construction materials, or medicine.  


Compassion International has "projects" set up in over 25 countries.  These projects are a partnership between Compassion and the local church in that country to offer schooling, food, and basic life skills.  And because they are partnered with the local church, they offer Bible classes for both the kids and their families.  


Holt International is a sponsorship program that deals with orphans and kids in need.  Holt is the world's largest international adoption agency, and with their new sponsorship program, money goes towards medical needs, foster care, and anything else that a child would need in those crucial first few years of life.  They work directly with adoption organizations and orphanages that are established in those countries, connecting people and children on a short-term (6-18 month) help basis.  


Like I said, these are just a few of the larger organizations that are out there.  When you think of helping people in some way, don't forget the thousands of missionaries that are on the front lines working hard in places many of these organizations can't get to.  They are building schools, medical clinics, church buildings, and helping young entrepreneurs get small business off the ground through micro-loans. (Check out Kiva and Samaritan's Purse)  They need support just like any other group, and if you believe in what they're doing, you can donate regularly to only them. They are all doing their part in trying to make this world a better, more live-able place.  


When you read about all of these things, do you roll your eyes and say to yourself, "Another person trying to make me feel bad so that I give money."?  Do you discuss the weights of the world over a $5 cup of Starbucks coffee, and then tell yourself that you don't have the money because times are difficult and the economy is bad?  There are hundreds of options and ways to make a huge difference in the world, and there are too many of us sitting around wondering what to do, yet keeping our wallets closed.  It doesn't take much.  Maybe a little bit of sacrifice for some, but if you were to really sit down and look at where all your money goes, you would realize that $20 here and $40 there once a month (or even less) really isn't a big loss.  There are too many people in the world suffering for us to sit around and be selfish. 


I have over 800 followers on Facebook and another 250 on Twitter.  That doesn't even include the occasional reader who happens upon my blog or people who read a re-tweet by someone else.  That's a lot of people who can do a lot of amazing things for this world.  So I am posting a challenge to anyone who follows me on Facebook, Twitter, or this blog to "have a little compassion" and make the sacrifice to do something.  There are great options that I've listed and there are hundreds more if you just do a search.  Get concerned about something...anything...and we can join in the change. And this isn't just for Christians. This is for humanity. We are able to better our world...which is something every human on this earth should be a part of.  But that being said, Jesus commanded it of His followers.  He commanded us to remember the least of these and to take care of the widows and orphans.  He commanded us to be His hands and feet.  So it's time to do something.  


 Let me know if you decide to do so or need a little help figuring it all out.  I'm here to help you help others and would love to hear where the journey decides to take you. :)

The Christians Are Coming!!

After spending a whole day hopping from airport to airport trying to get to Nicaragua, I realized 3 things.  

1.) I am not a fan of anything “airport”.  They are frustrating and inconvenient and I don’t enjoy being rushed from one counter to another trying to make sure that everything is as it should be.  And I hate being told when I can and can’t pee.

2.) Starbucks is everywhere…which is amazing when you’re traveling.

3.) When a Christian group is taking a missions trip, you can spot them from a hundred miles away.  Why? Bright colored t-shirts exclaiming that these are the “First Baptist Church Crusaders” on “Mission Nicaragua 2010”.  Hard to miss alongside the socks with sandals, girls in skirts (because that’s what Christian girls wear), and pleated Dockers.  And I understand the use of similar shirts or hats when traveling.  Groups are easier to keep together and locate.

Don’t take my sarcasm the wrong way.  I think that missions trips are important and that at some time or another, everyone (not just the Christians) should go on one.  They will change your life if you let them.  I have been on them, and I love going out and serving.  The problem is that we make an entrance that screams “I’m here to save the day!!”, and the “We came to love you” part gets lost behind tracks and graphic tees that are all the same.  We get wrapped up in making sure that we look the part of the good, American Christian, that we forget how little it means to those you are going to serve.  They see your agenda.

My husband joked that the Christians in the airport that were heading out to other countries were similar to the British who marched up the Eastern Coast at the start of the Revolutionary War.  They are marching right down the avenue wearing their bright red outfits, weapons in hand, giant crosses on their uniforms.  Easy to spot and know what they’re here for.  And then there’s Paul Revere riding as fast as he can to announce to the sleeping world that “The British are coming! The British are coming!!”  Not exactly the entrance the British were hoping for, I would guess. 

Is that how we look to those we are trying to serve?  A bunch of soldiers in uniform marching in with our Bibles and quick answers, ready for battle and wanting everyone to know it?  Sometimes all that’s missing is Paul Revere riding ahead to warn everyone so that they can brace for impact.  Again, don’t take my words wrong.  I’m not saying this is a representation of everyone who goes on a missions trip.  And I’m not saying that we are interested in marching in like soldiers ready for battle.  Many people go on missions trips to serve and love and take care of orphans.  Some go because they’ve never been out of the country and Mexico sounds like they have good beaches.  There are those that go out of obligation.  And there are those that go because the rest of the world is “lost” and they have to convert the masses.  To say that no one has an agenda when they are on a mission trip is both naïve and incorrect.  Everyone has an agenda.  The question is what is it and can the people see it coming.

I think the question I beg to ask is why must Christians (specifically the American ones) present themselves in a way that screams “You’re lost and I have all the answers”?  Why can’t we come in and defy the norm.  Instead of standing out because we look like a parade, why can’t we let our actions and our love speak for us?  What’s with the need to compensate?  I find it hard to believe that someone like Jesus was going around and telling people about his Father with a group of followers dressed in uniform.  He simply loved them.  He met them where they were at and never looked down on anyone.  He just was. 

So instead of heading out to other countries looking like a cheesy church group, why not try just being yourself and being the Church.  If being yourself includes black socks with sandals, then so be it. Just don’t go looking like an actor playing a role.  People want relationships.  They want you to get to know who they are and what their struggles are.  They want to be loved and prayed for.  And if you love your neighbor, as God commanded, it will speak volumes more than your cross necklaces worn as identification.

Jesus commands us to do two things: Love God. Love people.  Everything else falls into place around those 2 commands.  Don’t try to overcompensate. 

The Perspective of Reality.

My husband and I are taking off to Nicaragua to perform for the next couple of days.  It was a last-minute opportunity that we were thrilled about taking.  Though we have both spent time in Central America, Nicaragua has yet to be one of the places that we've visited.  And despite the threat of hurricane-type weather, we are stoked!

Ever since we first went out of the country together to El Salvador in 2005, my husband and I try to take the time for at least 6-8 weeks outside of the States serving and relaxing.  We have realized that it's necessary for us to leave the States to keep our focus and to balance our lives.  

I will be the first person to say that I love America.  I love the rights we are allowed to exercise daily that so many other nations can’t, and I love that we are a nation that embraces uniqueness and freedom.  However, as an American, it's easy to lack perspective on reality.  There are millions of people all over the world who live on less than 1% of what we do.  There are millions of displaced children because of war, famine, AIDS, and other manageable illnesses who sleep and live in fear daily.  There are millions of people imprisoned because of faith and lack of faith everywhere.  There are millions of women and children trafficked every year to labor camps, sweat shops, and into sex slavery.  Poverty, lack of freedoms, hunger, and fear is a daily reality for most of the world.  Yet here in America, we get upset that we don't have enough money for that 2000 square foot home in suburbia; that we can't get financing for that BMW; and that we have to pay for our own healthcare.  We, the people of the wealthiest country in the world, are busy whining for handouts and payouts because that's what we deserve, all the while forgetting about the reality of everyone else.  And you wonder why Americans have a bad rap in other countries?

When you leave America for another country, you have the ability to gain immeasurable amounts of perspective if you are paying attention.  If you realize all of the freedoms that you have, you are less likely to whine about the small things and instead be thankful.  For me, every time I head to another location outside of the States, I take the time to listen and see the things around me.  I ask questions about culture, food, and customs in an attempt to understand the people better.  And I try (though sometimes failing miserably) to learn a little bit of the language. You would be surprised at how valued the locals feel when you sample their crazy food and try to communicate with them in their own language.  You are showing both honor and respect, as well as that it's not all about you and your preferences.  And ultimately, people will open their lives and homes to you, more often than not, helping you learn and become a better person.  

You can gain the perspective of reality anywhere in the world.  You don't have to be in a third world country to see how the rest of the world operates.  I would challenge anyone to put yourself out there and open up your mind and heart to all of the things that this world both offers and needs.  And I would challenge anyone to take a trip, with that open mind and heart, to anywhere else in the world and take in the culture and the people.  You will realize so much about yourself and what's really important in life.  It will force you to slow down and take time to smell the proverbial roses. There’s a reason why in Latin America, people take a siesta in the middle of the day and don’t stress out about being on time….anywhere. (even though it still drives me batty!) There’s a reason why in Eastern Asia people socialize and eat food together in open markets all day and night.  They love company and see it as a healthy part of everyday life.  And just like those in Latin America…they don’t mind taking their time.  (maybe we should see the trend?)

Just for the record, I haven’t always had perspective.  Instead, I had done a great job of building a bubble around my life and filling it with the things that mattered to no one else but  me.  They were selfish and self-serving, mattering very little at the end of the day.  I had made my life about my own comfort, worrying regularly that I didn’t have what it took, that I would never have enough, and that no one could possibly like me unless I had all of those things that “matter” to the world.  How wrong was I.  After spending those 10 days in El Salvador, I realized that there is huge world out there full of people who love deeply, work hard, and don’t drive a white Mini convertible.  But they did have one thing that I didn’t: Joy.  I had all of the things that I could have wanted at the time, yet I was empty and unhappy.  I wanted the joy that they had.  The joy that was genuine and found in the simplest of things. 

Over time, I have traveled to 10 more countries, and have gained valuable perspective on things that matter to the world and that here in America we have a tendency to overlook and understate because they are not our reality.  The statistics are staggering and you can find the numbers anywhere, but when you look in the eyes of a child bought and sold for sex, in the eyes of a poor mother trying to keep her children fed and clothed, felt the touch of a blind orphan, and seen the smiles of the forgotten, the nice cars and clothes and vacations will melt away and become nothing more than a vapor. 

Jesus commanded us to take care of the widows and the orphans.  And more importantly to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Just because they don’t live next door or are part of our immediate group of friends does not mean that they are not our neighbors.  If they are human, they are our neighbors and loved by God.

So what is your perspective of reality, and what will you do about it?

Just Another Blog Post.

If I were to be completely honest with you, I would tell you that I am writing this post because I want to...not because I have some sort of profound content to discuss or a rant that I would like to extend to the masses.  I just felt like blogging.  More like, I just felt like clearing my head.  

I have found blogging to be one of the most relaxing, invigorating, and pleasant things to have in my life.  I need it.  I'm not quite sure how I've managed to live so long without it.  I've always journaled, and on occasion I still do when it's a more private topic, but this is a whole new world for me.  (Insert "Aladdin" soundtrack here for nostalgic purposes)  I find blogging more than just a way to organize my thoughts and share my opinions.  It's a place of refuge.  It's a place to be honest with others and myself in a way that just is.  And I thrive here.  

I found out recently that there are people who get paid lots of money to blog, and I thought to myself, "What a perfect job for me!"  And then I realized that unless you are a celeb who blogs (legit blogging...not a manager or other staff member) or are writing about business, or are a mom blogger, you don't get paid.  And I am none of those things.  So no money here.  But even if it was for one fleeting moment, I wondered what it would be like to just be and be paid to do something I love.  And then I thought a little harder and realized that it's already a reality for me.  

I am a painter, a creator, an artist, an actress, a thinker, and a writer.  All of those thing I love and they all give me the opportunity to just be.  And I get paid for it.  Call it luck, but I call it choice.  We all have gifts and abilities that were bestowed on us.  Some of those gifts we call "hobbies", or "those things that I love that I don't get paid for".  Sometimes when I'm asked what I do and reply "artist", I am given that little smirk that says "a girl with her head in the clouds...just another starving artist".  Little do they know that there are few days that I hate my life (because my work is my life) and if you saw a picture of me, I'm clearly not starving. :)  I am free to do all of the things that I am good at and more.  And the choice was mine.  I could have very easily just sat around and wasted my life away crying "poor me", but what's the point?  I know too many people that are in jobs that they hate and refuse to get out of. Now, I understand that we all have to be responsible and take care of our bills, so there are those stepping blocks along the way.  I have had jobs that I hated just like anyone else.  But instead of just wishing for more, I sought out more. I created more opportunities to do what I love. And along the way I realized something very important: who I am.  

It's like a friend of mine who I've know most of my life who was smart enough to do anything.  After college, she got married and had a normal job.  But she had always loved photography, and she was good at it. But instead of just allowing it be a mere hobby, she did something about it. She started to take a lot of pictures and learned everything that she could about cameras, lighting, and lenses.  She went to sessions and conventions all over the States, and then she took her brilliant creativity and did what she does best: take pictures.  And I must say, she's one of the most talented (and sought after) photographers that I know, and if you're ever out in Southern California, she's your girl!  (Check out Katie Neal Photography) But the point is that she worked hard and followed her dreams.  She played her cards and capitalized on her strengths.  

So once again, here I am.  Writing down my thoughts and hoping that maybe something that I have to say will resonate with someone else.  Maybe there was someone else who just needed an extra push.  Just don't let it be just another blog post....

If You Ask Me Again, I'll Scream.

Dear People of this Universe:

I am not pregnant.  Just fat.  I hate when you ask me "When are you due?"  It is both awkward and embarrassing for both of us.  I'm not sure why you would have the audacity to ask such a horrible question in the first place. In the words of Brian Regan: "Don't guess that ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever..."  You apparently didn't have enough "ever"'s memorized.

I am working hard to correct this problem so that you won't ever be confused into thinking that again.  But in the meantime, if you ask or guess or tell someone else that you think that I am, I will not be happy. I will do everything in my power to make you feel as embarrassed as possible for even asking.  If I ever am pregnant, I will TELL YOU.  Just check Facebook and Twitter and this blog.  You won't have to guess.

Thanks,

One Very NOT Pregnant (and ticked off) Woman.

My Life In Emoticons

I find myself attaching emoticons to just about every text or email or Twitter update without even thinking.  More often than not, they are little smiley faces or the one with the winking eye (we call them "winky face").  But I've realized that as I attach those little emotion indicators, I don't really think about how I really feel.  I just attach them on a whim.  

We live in a world of social networking, instant communication, and blogging.  We throw our lives out there for the world to see, and follow the status updates of friends to make sure that we are kept in-the-loop.  I know that I'm guilty of posting status updates to Twitter and Facebook whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood, oftentimes hoping for encouragement, a quick laugh, or someone to just empathize with me.  But as good intentioned as the 1000 people that are my "Friends" are, I never really feel like I can be truly authentic.  I continue to try and ride the line so that I press just enough to get a small reaction, but I'm not trying to piss anyone off.  But why?  Why I am so desperate for comments but not all that willing to be totally honest?  Why do I make smart-ass comments and then attach the little smiley to it so as to soften the blow?

I think that we have created a world where we beg for authenticity, but it's completely superficial.  We want to seem authentic, but our real motive is to post enough online to keep people semi-informed so that they don't forget that we exist.  I mean let's be honest...if you're not on Facebook or Twitter or have some sort of online presence, you don't exist.  People want to keep tabs and feel involved and if you're not there, then you become little more than a vapor.  

I had a conversation with some friends last night about a church that we had been attending.  It was amazing to find that we all had some of the same concerns and frustrations (which was why we had been on a church hiatus), and wanted so much more out of our experience there.  But we had all been silent, hiding behind smiles and excuses of being busy.  We had the opportunity to be honest, and we had shared only partial truth on occasion, or it was avoided at all costs in order to keep the waters calm. (I try to be more of silent type because of my opinionated personality).  But the four of us knew that in order for things to result in change, we needed to have a voice and be honest not only with ourselves, but others.  No more emoticons.

Is it possible to be completely authentic online, or even in person for that matter?  Or are we doomed to spend the rest of our lives hiding behind the smiley faces?  I'm not sure that it's possible to answer. So many of us have been burned by people, businesses, and churches that we don't know who or how to trust.  Because of this pseudo-relational world that we've created, we have a hard time living in reality. I do know, however, that I want a real community of people that knows that I am who I am, which means that some days will be amazing, and some will suck.  I don't want to be around people that talk behind my back, have alterior motives, or just plain old don't like me for me.  In a "how many friends/followers do you have" world, I find myself totally uninterested in "Keeping up with the Kardashians".  

So you can be a friend of mine of Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, or even read my blog, but know that I am attaching a disclaimer of sorts to all of those things and it looks something like this:

WARNING:

Opinions expressed here are the opinion of Kate Harris only. 

You are not obligated to agree or care either way.

Kate Harris strives for honesty and authenticity on Facebook, Twitter and her Blog.

If you don't like the way she does things, then there are plenty of people who exist in pseudo-reality that you are more than welcome to follow to make yourself feel better. 

Kate Harris will challenge herself and you, if you so choose.  

Follow her at your own risk.

If this doesn't suit you, then that's okay.  I'm just making sure that everyone is aware that my intentions are not piss off, but to strive for something more in this online (and not online) world.  And the next time you are having a horrible day, don't attach the smiley emoticon to your status.  Just be honest.  I'm no guru or psychologist, but I do know that when I'm honest with both myself and others, working through this thing called life gets just a little bit easier and has less surprises.  

Burn Baby Burn!

2010 is the year of changes in the Harris household.  We decided at the end of last year to make 2010 the year that we were gonna get healthy.  There was no doubt in our minds that we had put on the pounds and were having more and more difficulty keeping up with all the things we had in queue.  From performing, to painting, to loading and unloading, to just basic everyday activities, we were out of shape!

So we began our research at the local Barnes and Noble, looking for a little bit of guidance to get us a jump start on our new life.  I'm not sure if you've ever browsed the shelves at Barnes and Noble looking for health books, but they span at least 4 sections.  There are books on the South Beach diet, Atkins diet, liquid diets, master cleanses, and hundreds more in the category of get-slim-quick.  Nothing that we were really looking for since we wanted a lifestyle change to be healthy.  We wanted something that would helps us pick the right foods and exercise programs for our bodies (you have to remember that not everyone is the same) that would have a lasting effect.  Something that we could keep up for a long time.  Again, we found very little and left Barnes and Noble wondering what in the world we should be doing.

From friends and late-night infomercials, we had heard about a workout set that came in the form of DVD's.  I'm pretty sure that you've all heard of P90X.  Most people have one reaction to the workout, and that's "Holy crap! That stuff is so hard! I gave up after about 10 minutes."  But, since my husband and I are mildly competitive and always enjoy a challenge, we started our Craigslist hunt for a used set. Funny enough, there are dozens of these DVD sets available, many unopened.  We started out doing just the 45 minute Cardio X DVD, and found that though it was really difficult (I mean come on...we were out of shape!) we actually enjoyed it.  Slowly we added in the Kenpo X, and when we really felt ambitious: the Ab Ripper.  Again, it was difficult, but because January through April involves a lot of traveling, it was about all we could do.

Now insert healthy eating.  Harris, my husband, cut out fried foods, fast food, and tons of processed food.  I became a pescatarian, which means that I'm a vegetarian that eats seafood (mostly fresh fish), and cut out all soda and sweets.  There was a huge change in our physical appearance just from a small amount of working out 5 days a week and eating healthier than we had before.  By mid-February, I had lost about 5 pounds.  (My goal is closer to 50).  So we knew that we were on the right track, just needed to amp it up.

In March, we joined forces with a personal trainer named Michael Tugo.  He owns a studio in Green Hills called Body Sculpting.  This is when the real magic started to happen!  He challenged us to cut out diary, eat tons more greens, more protein for my husband, and no carbonation.  The less food was processed, the better.  We would be in the gym for at least an hour with him 3 days a week lifting weights and challenging our bodies.  On our free days, we were encouraged to do cardio for at least 30 minutes.  In the first 4 weeks, I lost 8 pounds.  I was stoked!  With the lack of dairy in my body and working really hard in the gym, I was feeling lighter and full of energy. We worked hard for 90 days, all the while touring.

Today, I have lost 20 pounds and 2 pants sizes.  I know that I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but it's doable and totally worth it!  Just looking at pictures of me from 90 days ago, it's hard to believe how bad and puffy I looked!  I had no idea! But again, I am hopeful and looking forward to what the next 90 days have in store for me!  If you think that there's some sort of "magic pill" that will make you lose weight, you're partially right.  There are thousands of "quick fix" diets that are just that: a quick fix.  They have no lasting power and will not make you a healthy person.  You can't eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and not exercise, and still think that you're going to lose weight.  It takes hard work.  It takes focus.  It takes a lifestyle change and willpower.  I know that I feel better right now then I have in years.  And I am enjoying my life all the more!

Burn, baby burn!

But what does it mean? (part 4)

"Liquid"

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This is the largest canvas painting that I've done to-date. (The largest painting I've done was a commission for a 72x72) I had seen this giant canvas at the art supply store on more than one occasion and I had always said to myself that I wanted to paint something this big.  When I finally took the plunge and bought this giant piece, I let it sit in my studio for a good 2 weeks and I stared at it.  I wanted to make sure whatever it was that I painted would be new and creative. 

Now, to be completely transparent as an artist, I had no idea what I wanted to paint.  I was at a complete loss and thought I had actually run out of creativity!  I know that you can't really "run out" of creativity, but there was still a small side of me that panicked and wondered if this was going to be the end of my painting career.  Then I did something that's really hard for me to do: I let go.  I let go of the insecurities that I had as a novice painter (the idea that nothing is good enough) and just let my brain relax.  That's when I got the idea for "Liquid".

The background of the painting is a deep blue that was washed with a dark brown over the top of it.  The red paint was a level 1 acrylic that I poured into a paper cup and mixed it with warm water.  When I got it to the right consistency, I just poured it right onto the canvas.  When the red had partially dried, I took a turquoise blue and mixed it water, pouring it directly over the red paint.  The result is what you see in this picture of the painting.  It was amazing to watch the transformation take place from a plain white canvas to this expression.

This painting is unlike anything I've ever done.  I have stretched my wings and begun the journey to see what I'm capable of creating, and this is just a scratch on the surface.

But what does it mean? (part 3)

"Vintage Piano"

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Though I didn't grow up in Nashville (or really Tennessee for the matter), I completely understand the drive of the music forces here.  Not only do I have a lot of musician friends, I know that you can see just about any type of show any night of the week here in the city.  Nashville lives and breathes music...country, rock and roll, indie, Gospel, and so much more.  So I did this piece as a little homage to the musician inside all of us. 


Growing up, I played piano like most of did when we were young.  I had a love-hate relationship with those piano playing years because I loved to play...I just hated to practice.  We had an ancient upright piano in our living room that had been passed down to my mother from her father.  The wood was discolored, it constantly had to be re-tuned, and the ivory keys were worn, chipped, and stained from years of dirty hands.  When I wasn't practicing, I loved to play.  I could play by ear (which is not the case anymore since I haven't played in 15 years) and would try to pick up songs that I heard on the radio or at other concerts.  I would buy sheet music that was much more difficult than I could handle, determined to learn it.  That old piano took a beating from my grimy fingers, but we had a bond, music and I.  After I became a teenager, I stopped playing almost completely and forgot so many of the basics.  I would only play alongside friends as we joked around playing "Heart and Soul", which just about anyone knows a variation of.  Because of my lack of interest in playing, the old piano got further and further out of tune, neglected and disowned. My mom and dad eventually got rid of the piano to make space for something else, but I will never forget the years I spent sitting on that bench, barely able to reach the pedals, or make my fingers wide enough to pound out an octave.  Those few years of piano lessons taught me patience and a love for music, even though I'm no musician.  


Whether by vocation, by hobby, or just those of us who love music...this is piece is for you.  May we never forget the old times, the memories, the love, and things that made us who we are today.