Looking Forward

2010 comes to an end in just a few short hours.  Another year to pack away in the books.  Some had the year of their lives while some struggled to just get by. Either way, I know that everyone loves to look forward to a new year.  It will bring new opportunities, new ideas, and new experiences to everyone.  

I look forward to the new year every year.  Sometimes it’s because I had a really crappy year that did little more than bring heartache, disappointment, and frustration, and sometimes it’s because I had such a great year and can’t possibly imagine what could make another year better.  

This year has been one of heartache, disappointment, and frustration for me.  Everything from cancelled shows and trips last second, piling debts that were intended to be paid off, frustration with work and people, and to top the year off, an unexpected death in the family.  I have wept, wondered, questioned, and screamed on more than one occasion in 2010.  But I have also been hopeful.  Hopeful that things would change...get better.  I know that 2011 isn’t some sort of “reset” button that automatically makes things better, but at least we have a starting place.  

I have high-hopes for 2011.  I have high-hopes every year, but this year is especially high.  I want certain things so much that I didn’t even bother waiting until the “official new year” for them to start.  I got a jump start on continuing my weight loss (30 pounds down with 30 to go), and a major jump start on creating some new products for Kate Harris Art in 2011.  

So here’s to looking forward to new chances, new opportunities, new jobs, new bodies, and anything else you could possibly have!  2010 is in the books!

Today.

Today I am cynical and restless.

Today I want to curl up in a ball and weep my way through a bowl of ice cream. 

Today I wonder, "How did I get here...and when will it too, pass?"

Today I feel unattractive and inadequate. 

Today I am honest.  Today I feel deeply.  Today I am lonely.

I pray that tomorrow brings peace, hope, and desire.  

I pray that today is just that: only today.

The Monotony of the Christmas Season

I feel like there's tons of people that start off Christmas blogs, letters, and twitter posts with the phrase..."that time of year again." As witty as some people think that their being, this simple phrase echos emptiness, discontent, and boredom.  When did Christmas get monotonous for us?

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to holidays, I am not the most enthusiastic.  My favorites include the likes of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and New Years, but it hasn't always been Christmas. If I were to be completely honest, I would say for years I found Christmas somewhat stressful and annoying.  There was the need to keep up in the decoration department by having our house look like it threw up Christmas cheer, buy gifts that we didn't have the money for for people that we didn't think deserved them, there were too many parties to go to, and Christmas music was a never-ending redundancy of 65 versions of "Jingle Bells" and "Oh, Holy Night".  For years, I couldn't wait until Christmas was just over and done with.  It was just same ole, same ole.

For the first time, I understand that Christmas is so much more than we make it out to be. We, as a culture, have taken a great celebration and made it monotonous. We are creatures of habit and masters of tradition, never really taking the time to think and wonder.  We have stripped the true joy of the season and replaced it with cheap imitation in the likes of Apple computers, PS2s, and diamond earrings.  And yet all we are really doing is going through the motions.

It's not the Griswald Family Christmas that we all feel is inevitable because of our wacky families.  I mean, seriously, who doesn't have at least 1 Cousin Eddie in the family?  It's about thoughtfulness, quality time with friends and family, eating (we were all thinking it), and realizing that not only is it just the day that we celebrate the birth of our God; it's the day that we celebrate the changing of the world and of our futures.  It's about hope. Until I could realize that Christmas is about hope, how could it not be monotonous, boring, and stressful?  Those feelings are conjured up because I had the wrong perspective because of things that don't matter.

I was listening to a podcast earlier this week, and one of the people on it commented on the difference between presents and gifts.  A present is something that is given with the understanding that something is to be given in return.  A gift is given with no strings attached.  When I heard that, I couldn't believe that it could be so simple.  I have given very few gifts, and a boatload of presents over the years.  And yet God had sent His only son.  The single most selfless gift that could have ever been given, and I had forgotten.  How could I have been so daft?

All this being said, I have decided to reclaim Christmas for myself and my family.  I don't want to just go through the motions of buying meaningless things and giving them away half-heartedly.  I want to create,  listen to the Rat Pack, and not worry about getting in return.  I want to relish in the changing of the course of history for us.  I want to remember the hope that was given with no strings attached.  And I want to celebrate without restriction!

Merry Christmas.