If You Ask Me Again, I'll Scream.

Dear People of this Universe:

I am not pregnant.  Just fat.  I hate when you ask me "When are you due?"  It is both awkward and embarrassing for both of us.  I'm not sure why you would have the audacity to ask such a horrible question in the first place. In the words of Brian Regan: "Don't guess that ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever..."  You apparently didn't have enough "ever"'s memorized.

I am working hard to correct this problem so that you won't ever be confused into thinking that again.  But in the meantime, if you ask or guess or tell someone else that you think that I am, I will not be happy. I will do everything in my power to make you feel as embarrassed as possible for even asking.  If I ever am pregnant, I will TELL YOU.  Just check Facebook and Twitter and this blog.  You won't have to guess.

Thanks,

One Very NOT Pregnant (and ticked off) Woman.

My Life In Emoticons

I find myself attaching emoticons to just about every text or email or Twitter update without even thinking.  More often than not, they are little smiley faces or the one with the winking eye (we call them "winky face").  But I've realized that as I attach those little emotion indicators, I don't really think about how I really feel.  I just attach them on a whim.  

We live in a world of social networking, instant communication, and blogging.  We throw our lives out there for the world to see, and follow the status updates of friends to make sure that we are kept in-the-loop.  I know that I'm guilty of posting status updates to Twitter and Facebook whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood, oftentimes hoping for encouragement, a quick laugh, or someone to just empathize with me.  But as good intentioned as the 1000 people that are my "Friends" are, I never really feel like I can be truly authentic.  I continue to try and ride the line so that I press just enough to get a small reaction, but I'm not trying to piss anyone off.  But why?  Why I am so desperate for comments but not all that willing to be totally honest?  Why do I make smart-ass comments and then attach the little smiley to it so as to soften the blow?

I think that we have created a world where we beg for authenticity, but it's completely superficial.  We want to seem authentic, but our real motive is to post enough online to keep people semi-informed so that they don't forget that we exist.  I mean let's be honest...if you're not on Facebook or Twitter or have some sort of online presence, you don't exist.  People want to keep tabs and feel involved and if you're not there, then you become little more than a vapor.  

I had a conversation with some friends last night about a church that we had been attending.  It was amazing to find that we all had some of the same concerns and frustrations (which was why we had been on a church hiatus), and wanted so much more out of our experience there.  But we had all been silent, hiding behind smiles and excuses of being busy.  We had the opportunity to be honest, and we had shared only partial truth on occasion, or it was avoided at all costs in order to keep the waters calm. (I try to be more of silent type because of my opinionated personality).  But the four of us knew that in order for things to result in change, we needed to have a voice and be honest not only with ourselves, but others.  No more emoticons.

Is it possible to be completely authentic online, or even in person for that matter?  Or are we doomed to spend the rest of our lives hiding behind the smiley faces?  I'm not sure that it's possible to answer. So many of us have been burned by people, businesses, and churches that we don't know who or how to trust.  Because of this pseudo-relational world that we've created, we have a hard time living in reality. I do know, however, that I want a real community of people that knows that I am who I am, which means that some days will be amazing, and some will suck.  I don't want to be around people that talk behind my back, have alterior motives, or just plain old don't like me for me.  In a "how many friends/followers do you have" world, I find myself totally uninterested in "Keeping up with the Kardashians".  

So you can be a friend of mine of Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, or even read my blog, but know that I am attaching a disclaimer of sorts to all of those things and it looks something like this:

WARNING:

Opinions expressed here are the opinion of Kate Harris only. 

You are not obligated to agree or care either way.

Kate Harris strives for honesty and authenticity on Facebook, Twitter and her Blog.

If you don't like the way she does things, then there are plenty of people who exist in pseudo-reality that you are more than welcome to follow to make yourself feel better. 

Kate Harris will challenge herself and you, if you so choose.  

Follow her at your own risk.

If this doesn't suit you, then that's okay.  I'm just making sure that everyone is aware that my intentions are not piss off, but to strive for something more in this online (and not online) world.  And the next time you are having a horrible day, don't attach the smiley emoticon to your status.  Just be honest.  I'm no guru or psychologist, but I do know that when I'm honest with both myself and others, working through this thing called life gets just a little bit easier and has less surprises.  

Would you risk it for $22 Billion?

I'm really not a blogger.  At least that's what I sometimes tell myself as I begin to organize my thoughts on my Apple iBook. (I'm old school...for now)  The process looks something like this:

1. Get a thought that just kinda sticks in my head.
2. Say to myself, "you should blog about that".
3. Sit down and get about 2-3 paragraphs down.
4. Second-guess my writing skills and wonder if I'm completely wacko for even thinking that someone would be interested in what's going on my head. (it's a jungle in there)
5. Stop writing and leave the draft on my laptop to finish when I become "inspired".
6. Never finish the blog.
7. Tell myself that I'm really not a blogger.
8. Drown my sorrows in a container of raspberry chocolate chunk ice cream

To help you understand how debilitating my blog-phobia is, I just deleted about 30 drafts from my post listings that I'd started and never finished. Not gonna lie, it felt a little depressing and I began wondering "am I really cut out for this whole blogging thing"?   I want to be good at it.  I Twitter all the time! (sorry for all those of you out there who hate following my seemingly meaningless tweets about going to bed or being at the pool. Some people just really want to know!)

As I was brooding about all of the thoughts that I had never managed to complete, I stumbled across an article on www.cnn.com about a man named Ron Wayne. Now, if you haven't read this story in it's entirety, I suggest that you do so here : http://tinyurl.com/2bm9a3r  Mr. Wayne is 76 years old and at one point, was one of the three original founders of Apple. In the beggining, he owned 10% of the company alongside the more popular, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.  He was quick on his feet, gave answers readily, and knew what he was doing. There was one catch, however.  Mr Wayne had a fear that he would acquire lots of debt if the company didn't make it.  He knew that they were up against a few competitors (such as Microsoft) and wasn't interested in a "rough ride". So, with that mindset of fear, he left the company for $800 eleven days after Apple was formed.  Today, his 10% equity would put his net worth at over $22 billion dollars. Yes....I said billion.  He gave it all up out of fear.  Didn't think that he could cut it.  Didn't think that it would be worth it.  Was afraid of the consequences from his past businesses re-playing in this business.  If only he had known what the outcome of Apple, Inc. would be.  If only he had taken a little bit of risk.  Today, Mr. Wayne has all of his money tied up in his coin and stamp collections.  That's it.  He plays the slots in local Nevada casinos hoping to "strike it rich".  If only....


As I read this, I couldn't believe it!  A man had given up 10% of his holding in one of the biggest companies in the world for a mere $800!!  Was he nuts!?  But he couldn't have known that Apple was going to be huge one day.  He didn't know that a little bit of risk would go a long way.  He had done exactly as I had done with my blogging; he had sat down and began to write a story, only to abandon it shortly after it began.  He became afraid, just as I had, that he didn't really have what it took.  


I, however, am willing to risk it.  Let's not kid ourselves...we all know that there's no $22 billion that will come about from having a small blog with 5-6 followers.  But who cares?  It's about taking the risk and putting yourself out there in the first place that really matters.  It's about recognizing what you're good at and what you love and just doing it!  It's about not worrying and running the race as it was meant to be run, not giving up after the first mile or 2 because it's too hard. Just let it go and be yourself. (now I'm sounding like a guru)  


To be totally honest, I don't even care if no one ever reads my blog.  (And I am, by blogging standards, nobody) It's something that I need to do for me.  And if people follow along, then so be it.  :)