If You Ask Me Again, I'll Scream.

Dear People of this Universe:

I am not pregnant.  Just fat.  I hate when you ask me "When are you due?"  It is both awkward and embarrassing for both of us.  I'm not sure why you would have the audacity to ask such a horrible question in the first place. In the words of Brian Regan: "Don't guess that ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever..."  You apparently didn't have enough "ever"'s memorized.

I am working hard to correct this problem so that you won't ever be confused into thinking that again.  But in the meantime, if you ask or guess or tell someone else that you think that I am, I will not be happy. I will do everything in my power to make you feel as embarrassed as possible for even asking.  If I ever am pregnant, I will TELL YOU.  Just check Facebook and Twitter and this blog.  You won't have to guess.

Thanks,

One Very NOT Pregnant (and ticked off) Woman.