I Am An Addict.

I am one of those people that every November (I’m an overachiever) writes out a long list of “New Years Resolutions” with the intention of becoming a better person.  Yet, just like the rest of the world, when I realize on January 2nd that my intentions are destined to be a disaster, I find myself already on the path to giving up without any reason for a fight.  

I am a typical resolutioner in the sense that my resolutions tend to revolve around losing weight, working out more, reading my Bible, and following through on more projects.  So far, I have managed to gain 3 pounds, not step foot in the gym once, fell asleep reading through a Bible passage, and have 4 projects started and you guessed it...nothing finished.  Talk about failure. Now I have the rest of the year to wallow in my early failures and hope for better luck next time. 

Let’s get this straight: I want to follow through.  I want to have the discipline to do what I need to do to accomplish goals.  The problem is that I’m lazy.  Things are too hard.  I like to call it the “American Way”: want it all hoping that someone else will do it for me.  But like they tell you in AA, the first step in recovery is recognizing that you’re an addict.  

I am an addict.  

I am an addict of desire without follow-through.  An addict of creativity without execution.  An addict of wondering why everyone else “gets” and I “get not.”  

Now that I realize these things, I am lucky to understand that there is a solution to this problem and it starts with me.  It takes some hoodspuh to initiate change in myself and my mindset.  I have to forget the “diet starts Monday” mentality and just do.  Seems like such a simple solution: just do. But that’s what makes it so difficult.  We complicate, over-analyze, and whine making it harder and harder. We set ourselves up to fail before we’ve ever started.  

Even though I’ve already managed to “fail” by societies’ standards, I have decided to try again.  I can’t succeed if I only allow one failure a year.  So in my attempt to reclaim my New Years’ Resolutions, I have listing them here publicly.  I am giving it another go. And I may fail again.  But if and when that happens, I will not give up.  I will regroup and start over as many times as it takes. 

Here it goes:

1. Run 2-3 times a week no less than 2 miles with a goal of the CMA 1/2 marathon in April.
2. lose the last 30 pounds before the summer. (I managed 30 pounds down from April-December last year)
3. Blog more often.
4. Take a vacation that doesn’t include Twitter. 
5. Hold an art show in the fall. 
6. Get website/new branding up and running
7. Paint one new painting every month (starting in Feb since I’m not home the rest of Jan)

There it is.  A small but conquerable list. And the journey begins.

Looking Forward

2010 comes to an end in just a few short hours.  Another year to pack away in the books.  Some had the year of their lives while some struggled to just get by. Either way, I know that everyone loves to look forward to a new year.  It will bring new opportunities, new ideas, and new experiences to everyone.  

I look forward to the new year every year.  Sometimes it’s because I had a really crappy year that did little more than bring heartache, disappointment, and frustration, and sometimes it’s because I had such a great year and can’t possibly imagine what could make another year better.  

This year has been one of heartache, disappointment, and frustration for me.  Everything from cancelled shows and trips last second, piling debts that were intended to be paid off, frustration with work and people, and to top the year off, an unexpected death in the family.  I have wept, wondered, questioned, and screamed on more than one occasion in 2010.  But I have also been hopeful.  Hopeful that things would change...get better.  I know that 2011 isn’t some sort of “reset” button that automatically makes things better, but at least we have a starting place.  

I have high-hopes for 2011.  I have high-hopes every year, but this year is especially high.  I want certain things so much that I didn’t even bother waiting until the “official new year” for them to start.  I got a jump start on continuing my weight loss (30 pounds down with 30 to go), and a major jump start on creating some new products for Kate Harris Art in 2011.  

So here’s to looking forward to new chances, new opportunities, new jobs, new bodies, and anything else you could possibly have!  2010 is in the books!