I Am An Addict.

I am one of those people that every November (I’m an overachiever) writes out a long list of “New Years Resolutions” with the intention of becoming a better person.  Yet, just like the rest of the world, when I realize on January 2nd that my intentions are destined to be a disaster, I find myself already on the path to giving up without any reason for a fight.  

I am a typical resolutioner in the sense that my resolutions tend to revolve around losing weight, working out more, reading my Bible, and following through on more projects.  So far, I have managed to gain 3 pounds, not step foot in the gym once, fell asleep reading through a Bible passage, and have 4 projects started and you guessed it...nothing finished.  Talk about failure. Now I have the rest of the year to wallow in my early failures and hope for better luck next time. 

Let’s get this straight: I want to follow through.  I want to have the discipline to do what I need to do to accomplish goals.  The problem is that I’m lazy.  Things are too hard.  I like to call it the “American Way”: want it all hoping that someone else will do it for me.  But like they tell you in AA, the first step in recovery is recognizing that you’re an addict.  

I am an addict.  

I am an addict of desire without follow-through.  An addict of creativity without execution.  An addict of wondering why everyone else “gets” and I “get not.”  

Now that I realize these things, I am lucky to understand that there is a solution to this problem and it starts with me.  It takes some hoodspuh to initiate change in myself and my mindset.  I have to forget the “diet starts Monday” mentality and just do.  Seems like such a simple solution: just do. But that’s what makes it so difficult.  We complicate, over-analyze, and whine making it harder and harder. We set ourselves up to fail before we’ve ever started.  

Even though I’ve already managed to “fail” by societies’ standards, I have decided to try again.  I can’t succeed if I only allow one failure a year.  So in my attempt to reclaim my New Years’ Resolutions, I have listing them here publicly.  I am giving it another go. And I may fail again.  But if and when that happens, I will not give up.  I will regroup and start over as many times as it takes. 

Here it goes:

1. Run 2-3 times a week no less than 2 miles with a goal of the CMA 1/2 marathon in April.
2. lose the last 30 pounds before the summer. (I managed 30 pounds down from April-December last year)
3. Blog more often.
4. Take a vacation that doesn’t include Twitter. 
5. Hold an art show in the fall. 
6. Get website/new branding up and running
7. Paint one new painting every month (starting in Feb since I’m not home the rest of Jan)

There it is.  A small but conquerable list. And the journey begins.