A God Conversation

I am here.  I know that I haven't been lately, and I hate that I feel as though I've let you down.  

"Then sings my soul..."

I realize that I've neglected our relationship because it hasn't fit into my schedule.  I have your book laying next to my bed, loaded on my computer, and available on my phone.  Yet I still don't read it.

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path..."

You know my heart and where it's at today.  You know my struggles, my anxieties, and my bitterness.  I wonder sometimes, foolishly I know, why You would leave me to struggle through these things seemingly alone.  I fail so often, I'm not quite sure why you would think that I'm capable.

  "I will fear no evil, for thou art with me..."

I sigh because I hate that we aren't as close as we used to be.  That's not your fault, it's mine.  I don't talk to you unless I need you...I don't listen unless I'm waiting to hear...and I feel empty because I don't let you love me like I know that you do.  It's like I want to live in misery.

"Be still and know that I AM GOD..."

I need you.  These aren't just empty words.  They come from somewhere deeper.  It's a longing that I can't really explain.  I need clarity and energy.

"Cast all your cares on Me, for I care for you..."

Thank you for all that you have given me. I deserve so much less.  I know, somewhere maybe a little deeper than it should be, that you have this whole thing called "my life" worked out.  You have a plan.  And you would never give me more than I can handle.  I know that you already are, but be patient with me while I'm on this journey.

"I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future..."

I love you.