A God Conversation

I am here.  I know that I haven't been lately, and I hate that I feel as though I've let you down.  

"Then sings my soul..."

I realize that I've neglected our relationship because it hasn't fit into my schedule.  I have your book laying next to my bed, loaded on my computer, and available on my phone.  Yet I still don't read it.

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path..."

You know my heart and where it's at today.  You know my struggles, my anxieties, and my bitterness.  I wonder sometimes, foolishly I know, why You would leave me to struggle through these things seemingly alone.  I fail so often, I'm not quite sure why you would think that I'm capable.

  "I will fear no evil, for thou art with me..."

I sigh because I hate that we aren't as close as we used to be.  That's not your fault, it's mine.  I don't talk to you unless I need you...I don't listen unless I'm waiting to hear...and I feel empty because I don't let you love me like I know that you do.  It's like I want to live in misery.

"Be still and know that I AM GOD..."

I need you.  These aren't just empty words.  They come from somewhere deeper.  It's a longing that I can't really explain.  I need clarity and energy.

"Cast all your cares on Me, for I care for you..."

Thank you for all that you have given me. I deserve so much less.  I know, somewhere maybe a little deeper than it should be, that you have this whole thing called "my life" worked out.  You have a plan.  And you would never give me more than I can handle.  I know that you already are, but be patient with me while I'm on this journey.

"I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future..."

I love you.

Taking Time To Smell The Coffee

There are few things that I love more than quiet mornings with a book , blanket, and a cup of coffee.  Even better if it's raining.  Because of my crazy life, I find these times alone few and far between.  And necessary.

The stillness of the morning makes the loudness in my head that is business, projects, frustrations, and conversations, amplify. I am forced to finally sit down and hear their painful cries for attention.

My life is full of noise.  There are people and projects that are constantly clambering for my undivided attention.  Deadlines are knocking and everyone needs something.  Even when I'm on the road with my husband, there is always something that's needing to be done.  It's not uncommon to find myself completely overwhelmed to the point of a meltdown because I just can't handle it anymore.  The noise is deafening.

When I get to that point-of-no-return, I often wonder how I allowed myself to get there.  Again.  But, I realize that it's because I didn't take the time to be reflective and clear my head.  You know...sit down alone and write, think, pray, or talk to a friend.  We get so caught-up in "doing" that we forget what it's like to just be.  It's almost as if we are afraid of what we might think about from a painful past, or what we'll feel if we sit still longer than a few seconds.  We pull out our computers and phones, wondering what we're missing out on.  We remain distracted from reality, creating a disconnect in our hearts and minds. We become numb and start to coast through life.

Distractions are too easy.  And they leave us lonely and frustrated in the end.


What distractions do you have?


What are you missing out on because you're too busy?  

We need to silence the noise and instead take the time to smell the proverbial coffee.

The Sex Blog :: Swinging

Sex.  Marriage.  Mistresses.  Monogamy.  Sex games.  Swinging. 

If I haven't succeeded in capturing your attention with one of these words, then you may not have a pulse. Sex is everywhere.  It's in our pop music (Britney Spears' song "3" or Katy Perrys' "I Kissed a Girl"), our advertisements, our news articles, and our classrooms.  It's either all you can talk about, or the one thing that makes you get all clammy and nervous.  

In case you've been living under a rock somewhere, there's a new generation of sex that's on the rise: Swinging.  If you don't know what that means, it's simply that couples that are married "swap" to have sex with other people in an attempt to "spice up" their love lives. The craziest part is that swinging has been around since the 60s, when the idea of "free love" hit the culture.  Today, it is a multi-million dollar industry whose popularity is on the rise from major cities to the suburbs.   

Why, might you ask?

Most people have a bad taste in their mouth when they hear that ugly relationship word: cheaters.  They have happened to all of us, or we have been one ourselves.  The results are devastating.  We lose trust not only of our partner, but of anyone we have a future relationship with.  We doubt ourselves and our abilities as a mate.  And more often then not, our relationship with that cheater doesn't survive the fallout.  

Insert swinging. 

I have read multiple articles in the last few weeks about swinging. One article came up while I was at the gym.  I was reading Self magazine, and they had a 6 page spread all about the health benefits of swinging, and how it was the new thing for everyone...even the soccer mom.  It went on to talk about that when you swing, you and your spouse have a better relationship because you are communicating with each other and increasing your trust bond.  (I may or may not have thrown the magazine across the gym)

Even more recently, CNN.com had an article written about a mistress...mistress...from Australia who had been paid to be what she called a "full-time mistress" for about $1000 a week.  She would be your "play wife" in the idea that she would cook, clean, have conversations, and perform sex for anyone that wanted what their wives at home apparently couldn't provide.  Last I checked, this was a glorified prostitute.  She did this for about a year and then wrote a book on her encounters and what she apparently "learned" about men and women.  Her conclusion was that married women will never be able to satisfy their husbands, so to give them permission to have sex with other women would keep their marriages together and healthy.  Any person in their right mind would not only be deeply offended by this, but find it completely absurd that a prostitute was offering relational advice. 

I cannot even describe to you the feelings that I felt as I read these articles.  I was deeply offended that prostitutes were giving advice to wives to let their husbands sleep around because they were not enough.  And I was offended on behalf of all the men out there who are thought of as nothing more than sex addicts who can't ever seem to get enough.  I couldn't believe that people actually thought that having sex with other people, per their spouses' consent, was even remotely healthy.  To top it off, many of these people have children.  Do they not understand that a non-monogamous relationship is never healthy?  That this kind of life is never fulfilling because it's not the way that we are wired?   The emotional ramifications of this kind of lifestyle are devastating. Jealousy, boredom, and dissatisfaction can creep in and destroy.  This is the new generation of what will eventually be considered normal.  And quite honestly, it scares me.  

As Christians, we have been afraid of the topic of sex for so long that things like swinging and other forms of promiscuity have crept in. Some of you might even be upset that I would be so bold as to discuss this topic publicly.  But the truth is that it's out there and can destroy us quickly and quietly.  We need to have discussions about sex with our kids before their view of it is shaped by the likes of Lady Gaga.  If you're married, talk with your spouse about what the bedroom should be for you as a couple. Take time and effort to make it healthy. (other people and things are not healthy.)  Don't let your marriage fall apart because the spark has died out in the bedroom.  And don't let the new generation of sex intimidate and pressure you.  You are enough, and you are enough just the two of you.

The Detox Hoax

It's one of the biggest buzzwords of the last 18 months: Detox.

Thousands of programs and regiments that are designed to "rid your body of toxins".  And you know what?  It's one of the biggest hoaxes that has hit the public since the Atkins Diet craze.  But, as my husband often says, "It's easy to be deceived."

The word "detox", according to Webster's Dictionary, means the following:

"To undergo treatment to rid the body of poisonous substances, especially alcohol and drugs." 

It's origin is 1972.  Most people who detox are people in rehab (we've all seen Intervention) who are coming down off years of abuse of drugs and alcohol.  They are ridding their body of a literal "poison".  But somewhere along the way, someone realized that the word "detox" could be used for an entirely different purpose: marketing. 


If you were to get on Google (or Bing or Yahoo or whatever engine you use), and type in the word “detox”, you would find over 12.5 million pages of cleanses, diets, plans, blogs, and other various opinions on the subject. You would find things like the Acai Cleanse, the Master Cleanse (or lemon cleanse),  Evercleanse, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the ColoThin, and Colonics.  Each one claims to detoxify your body in the most effective, and fast, way.


I’m pretty sure that even though you may not have participated in one of these programs, you know someone who has, or you’ve heard of them.  But the thing that so many people have failed to realize is that they are just a fad.  Go ahead and hate me for saying it, but they are no better or different then weight loss programs like the Atkins diet, the South Beach diet, or my personal favorite, the What Would Jesus Eat? Diet.


We have bought into the fad hook, line, and sinker all over again.  Especially us women.  We want to be thin…and would do just about anything to get to that point quickly.  Everything except give up our Starbucks Frappuccinos with extra whip and the Wendy’s at 11pm.  We want a quick-fix to our poor eating habits and have believed that the only way to a healthy life is through not eating for 10 days and drinking a concoction of maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice. (Seriously yuck!)


When I searched for a scientific perspective on these cleanses, I consulted a doctor, Wikipedia, and WebMD among others.  The opinion was repeated across the board:

“…Symptoms may improve with a detox diet, but there is no evidence that this [detox diets/cleanses] is due to clearing toxins from the body...As it turns out, a balanced, proper diet is more helpful than a detox diet.”  WebMD also stated that, “Perhaps one of the biggest dangers of detox diets is the fear they instill in the public…The good news is that your body has its own natural detoxifying process that works quite well.  The liver and kidneys do a good job of processing chemicals and eliminating them…”  WebMD goes on to make the statement that, “fasting can be addictive because it causes a kind of ‘high’.

 (I am putting this statement in there based on the fact that the Master Cleanse is one of the most popular cleanses out there, and it requires a 10-day fast.)  There was also a statement in Self magazine that said that women who don’t eat (fast) during a cleanse or diet are, on average, 8 pounds heavier than women who just ate right and exercised!  Is anybody getting this?


Are we out of our minds!?

In all honesty, I am just wondering when we stopped paying attention.  We believe just about anything, more specifically when it comes to shedding those pounds and that other buzzword: wellness.  If we really look deeper into it, we aren’t really interested in a lifestyle change, or being healthy for that matter.  Instead, we want to do what we want, when we want, but don’t want the consequences that come along with it. I have read status update after status update on Facebook and Twitter from friends of mine that have decided to "get clean" by choosing one of these diets.  The irony, however, is that when all is said and done, they "celebrate" their success and their new-found energy by hitting up their favorite drink at Starbucks and noshing on a cupcake or ice cream.  And even more commonly, they just go back to their old food and drink routine, thinking about the next time that they'll "clean out".  I'm not kidding!  Just think about how ridiculous that is!  You've "rid" the toxins from your body only to put them right back in. 

The dangers of detox diets and cleanses is right in front of our faces, yet we remain blind.  Especially us as women.  There's a lie that's easy to miss, but it’s there nevertheless.  It’s that nasty lie that tells us over and over that we aren’t good enough, and God and his design are not enough. We take products like these because we find ourselves 25 pounds overweight, lazy, and sometimes even subconsciously blame God for making us with a faulty system. No…we are faulty because we live in a broken world. We don’t want to work hard, eat right, or exercise.  We find ourselves caught up in fad diets and quick-fixes because we need to experience that we are enough.  We want to feel like we are doing something…anything. But we are left unhappy and empty, cheeseburger still in hand.

DO NOT BUY THE LIE.  It's that simple.  (For real...it really is).  Understand that we all are left with a choice to be healthy or just pretend to be healthy.  I would challenge any person, fad-cleanser or non-fad-cleanser, to make a lifestyle change for the better.  Just eat healthy. And then, go get some excercise...